Time to Surrender and Let God In

by Laura


Allowing God to handle it-It’s been the one thing that has challenged me for years. It’s like jumping off a cliff. Being out of control, letting go of control, and turning the outcome over to God. Let’s face it..it’s scary!

Why do we feel such a strong need to be in control? Do we actually presume to believe WE can do a better job than God The Universe, our Higher Power (here to for referred to as God, but I respect what you believe).For God to bring us what we want, the ONLY WAY it will manifest is by letting go of our attachment to the outcome!

If we don’t keep our fingers in every single thing going on around us, especially as mothers and fathers, we somehow think the world will come to an end! I have always needed to do it all, and have literally made myself sick by not giving up control. I have come a long way, and consider myself a recovering perfectionist. Deeper than that I have suffered from chronic pain, anxiety and depression for years, and part of the very complicated web that is pain, anxiety and depression,  that grounds me into isolation every time, is the belief that if I can’t do it perfectly, I am a failure. Self loathing is a big part of anxiety & depression.

I came to the clear realization that it is not serving me to have everything around me the way I insisted it HAS to be. I was missing out on enjoying life, my children, my husband, and many happy moments, because I refused to BE IN THE MOMENT. I catch myself sometimes with this strong urge toward perfection, and quickly say ” I would rather CHOOSE JOY!!” It can be a lonely and paralyzing feeling, even when you are well aware that it’s anxiety, leading to chronic depression. It’s kind of like..I know what it is now what?

I can remember feeling this way even as a child . I remember needing my bedroom to be clean and neat every morning. I always made my bed each day before school and my mother thought there was something wrong with me! I felt uncomfortable at mt best friend’s house. She was a “free spirit”, who had a very messy home, and an even messier bedroom for us to spend time in as kids. Can you believe it? Here I am at age 10 or 11 and I’m telling my best friend we need to play at my house because I can’t handle the mess in her room! OK..there was something seriously wrong going on.

What do you think it was? Why was I so afraid of disorganization? For me, I was in a home where most things were fine, and I was having a happy childhood. However, as I have discovered looking back now, some painful events probably made me want to feel safe by controlling my environment, throughout my entire life. As long as I had that to hold on to I felt like I was in control.  It was only “the illusion” of control. Although I became successful in my life, I robbed myself of what I could have  had. Although I became very anxious maintaining this illusion of control, it was at the expense of my body, my mind, and my relationships. At around age 35 I literally became ill with what was diagnosed then as MS, because I was balancing so many balls in the air. I guess you could say God grounded me. I became truly unable to cope with real life, unless it was on my terms. What ended up happening was  the fear of true allowing won out in the end.

The good news is that I armed myself with a spiritual toolbox of sorts, partly by the gifts my family and friends gave me, a spiritual quest I thirsted for, and many “non-accidental” experiences in my life that showed me there is a power Greater than me. From childhood I was exposed to “new thought” which assisted me in understanding I did not have to be at the mercy of my unbalanced mind, complicated as it was. I could make choices, do the work, and help others as I help myself. I formed good beliefs that have helped me manifest many wonderful and powerful things in my life. I took charge of my subconscious mind, and realized dreams I thought impossible for me. I KNOW Anything is possible. It is a constant work in progress though. It’s not easy…a roller coaster.

Releasing control and  allowing our birthright of abundance is something many people struggle with. The truth is, God is The Master anyway! You can have anything you want and it is simply a matter of making a decision, putting in the work, and then RELEASING IT so that The Universe can do what it does best. It does not need your help to come back and check on it, advise it etc. every five minutes! Choose Joy! Let Go and Let God and see the creation unfold in your life. I am in this process one day at a time.

 

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