“But You Look So Good”…A Choice to Live Transparently

by Laura

It’s been a bit of a breakthrough and a relief, to be living my life transparently. It can be quite a burden to carry, almost like living a double life, which goes way back. I can remember being told years ago that I had a double edged sword to deal with, as I looked perfectly normal to everyone, yet had a myriad of issues going on inside. This is usually the case with autoimmune conditions. The MS society had an actual t-shirt that said “But You Look So Good!”

At the time I got sick to begin with I was in control of my entire world, or so I thought. Maintaining a handle on everything around me as young mothers do, to any degree, even if I was only lying to myself, meant that I would not lose “me”.  Only those very close to me knew the truth.  As I grew in the business arena I was afraid that if people knew my frailties and imperfections, they would lose confidence in my leadership ability, my competence and my strength. It takes a ton of energy and strength to maintain the illusion of being “ok” . It’s actually made me sicker, more stressed, more depressed and fatigued to keep it up!

I know now that all of that does not matter. It is far more important to me to be ALL of who I really and truly am, and expose myself authentically, no matter what that looks like. To me, if a friend is withholding a large portion of themselves in fear of letting you down, they are already letting you down, because they are being inauthentic, disingenuous, and incomplete. If they leave you because they cannot handle it or they think less of you, maybe you should question if they are your friend to begin with or, what their motives are in your life. Wouldn’t your friends want you to be as well as you could possibly be? 

Coming to this breakthrough has not been easy, and it has never felt more right. It dawned on me that it was this same determined spirit that has gotten me through all along. I am exposing a completely scary and vulnerable side of myself, and that’s just me.  Being forthcoming about  my strong belief in the mind-body connection, holistic health, self love, as well as the grateful and spiritual mindset I have employed through the years are some of the most important and authentic topics I can share at this time in my life. If I DON’T do this, I will be robbing myself and others of some truthful discoveries, triumphs, resources and lessons that  will undoubtedly make a difference in people’s lives. I do feel excited and joyful to be in this place. I am not any different than I was before, just better, and actually am much more, because I am free to express my heart. Here’s the real KICKER- everything in our lives makes us WHO WE ARE. If I had not gone through the last 20 years I would not be who I am, and you can look at your own life the same way. Life is always a gift, filled with blessings and lessons.

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