self love

It’s Halloween week, and the gools and goblins are all around. While a positive, grateful and empowered life is my #1 goal, I wrestle a few beasts in my quest to stay well, grow and empower myself and others each day.

It’s makes me think about the dark places that lurk around the corners of our minds, and those 7 nasty mind monsters that can fuel pain and depression, stop you from achieving your goals, ruin relationships, and much more. With some work and attention, we can banish them, or at least tell them they are NOT welcome! The whole key is to consciously invite them to scram, show them the door..and work on positive replacements instead.  To heal anything, it must be acknowledged. Who are these monsters?


1. Guilt
 is one of my biggest “Nasty Monsters” that follows me and makes for more knots in my stomach and pain in my body. Feeling guilty is something all of us are good at in one way or another, and if we are living with a chronic condition in any way, we are probably MASTERS at it. We tend to use our inner guts as punching bags for what we cannot do, should have done, messed up, forgot, and could have done better…need I say more? I can’t tell you how much time I have wasted feeling guilty about so many things I could have, or should have done. Let it go!! The truth is you are doing the best you can with what you have, and guilt is a totally useless emotion that makes you sick! Forgiveness is the opposite of guilt and an be a wonderful healing to your spirit. Every time you feel yourself “beating youself up” say: “I love myself, I forgive myself and I now let it go”.  Give that Guilt monster the boot, show him the door..Baam!

2.Anger. That’s another Monster that when not dealt with can rot your insides, and can hurt you, and your relationships. If left unexpressed, the anger monster knows how to get to into the deepest, happiest parts of your heart, and  rule over them, until you take over and deal with that anger. It is said that anger is nothing  more than hurt deep inside you. Do you think the person who yells and screams is healthier than the one who internalizes everything? Something to think about. If you have anger toward someone, get it out! Your body and mind will thank you for it.

3.Fear. is simply the opposite of love. This monster knows exactly how to stop you from getting everything you ever wanted in life. He’s the most keniving and crafty. He is powerful and will overwhelm you if you allow it. This monster is not always easy to confront, but once you face him, you will never feel so amazing! Walk up to your fear, look him right in the eyes and say “I am NOT AFRAID OF YOU and I will NOT ALLOW YOU to rule over me anymore!, I CAN DO THIS!”

4. Mistrust is a monster that is common with the loners and control freaks of the world. This monster hangs around and convinces you that the world is a tough place, only you can do things the right way or no way at all, and nobody can be trusted to help you. Trusting others means opening up and being vulnerable  to love, and allowing others to see who you really are. You must be willing to ask for help. Sometimes mistrustful people feel they have to take care of themselves, when there are people all around them waiting and willing to support them. Asking for help and giving up some control can free you more than you know. Trust others and let them in if this is an issue for you. If it is difficult for you, take it one at a time, and you’ll see that when you open up to people, your life will be more fulfilling.

5. Envy is the Green monster! He is the one that gets under your skin like a parasite that slowly eats away at you. He tells you that you are not good enough, that others are better, and makes you compare yourself to others. This horrible NASTY Monster must be evacuated and killed every time you even sense a hint of him near. The truth is, there is only one magnificent person exactly like you in the world. You have talents that uniquely your own. How can you compare yourself to anyone? You rock! Be the very best you that you can be. My mom used to say “Don’t worry a minute what others are thinking about you..they are too worried about what you think of them!” She’s a pretty wise woman!

6. Self-Pity is a weak, quiet, and sneaky little monster. She comes in night and hits when you’re down and least expecting it. You are dealing with life and all its complications, and it can be overwhelming. When you allow this monster of self-pity in, it weakens your ability to handle those complications, and dis-empowers you. I know that when I get down, sad, and feel sorry for myself, all I do is stop the flow of positive things into my life. Ideas, circumstances, people that can support me, and miracles of all kinds are slowed down! The GREAT NEWS is changing your mind to self empowerment can be as easy as “flipping a switch” and telling that self-pity monster to HIT THE ROAD! When you DECIDE to be grateful for the good and the bad (yes) in your life, while focusing on the GOOD, being extremely GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS, and feeling the APPRECIATION FEELINGS as often as possible, self-pity will not come around and MIRACLES will!

7. Negative Self-Talk is a monster that is pretty much like a constant nagging little ugly fly that sits on your shoulder. You have to keep swatting it away each time it comes up. He tells you that you “can’t”,  “aren’t good at that” , and makes up many scenarios in your mind to worry about that NEVER come true!  Did you know that 95% of the stuff we worry about never happens? The better you get at POSITIVE Self-talk, affirmations, and grateful thinking, as well as daily meditation  and visualization,  makes this little monster come around less and less!

I went through a severe depression recently and got to know these nasty monsters all too well. It took some serious reflection that living positively, and healing my pain was far more important to me than hanging out with these disgusting, life-sucking maggots. Sometimes when you have a chronic condition, you cannot see anything BUT the monsters.  They will eat you alive if you let them. All I can say is, there IS HOPE. There is a LIGHT at the end of the tunnel, and a rainbow out there. Now, I am in a totally new light filled place and each day I am getting a little bit better. I think one of the biggest keys for me was separating myself from these monsters, and realizing that they were just that- MONSTERS! Just like a child seeing shadows in the closet at night…Dad comes in and flips the switch on to show you “They are not real!” and ultimately you can make the choice at anytime to crawl out from under the bed and ask for a hug. Thank God!

 

 

 

 

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It’s been a bit of a breakthrough and a relief, to be living my life transparently. It can be quite a burden to carry, almost like living a double life, which goes way back. I can remember being told years ago that I had a double edged sword to deal with, as I looked perfectly normal to everyone, yet had a myriad of issues going on inside. This is usually the case with autoimmune conditions. The MS society had an actual t-shirt that said “But You Look So Good!”

At the time I got sick to begin with I was in control of my entire world, or so I thought. Maintaining a handle on everything around me as young mothers do, to any degree, even if I was only lying to myself, meant that I would not lose “me”.  Only those very close to me knew the truth.  As I grew in the business arena I was afraid that if people knew my frailties and imperfections, they would lose confidence in my leadership ability, my competence and my strength. It takes a ton of energy and strength to maintain the illusion of being “ok” . It’s actually made me sicker, more stressed, more depressed and fatigued to keep it up!

I know now that all of that does not matter. It is far more important to me to be ALL of who I really and truly am, and expose myself authentically, no matter what that looks like. To me, if a friend is withholding a large portion of themselves in fear of letting you down, they are already letting you down, because they are being inauthentic, disingenuous, and incomplete. If they leave you because they cannot handle it or they think less of you, maybe you should question if they are your friend to begin with or, what their motives are in your life. Wouldn’t your friends want you to be as well as you could possibly be?  [click to continue…]

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Practice
After  ignoring my body for so many months, the tender stretches I performed this morning while doing my third day of Yoga practice, brought me to tears. I knew I had positively reconnected with the will to get well, and the will to love my body again. Although I have a very long way to go, I am feeling better and better every day. The nutritional changes that I have made are making a difference in such a way that I have lost my desire to consume the things that don’t serve and nurture my body.

Do you know what it’s like to completely disconnect from your body because you are so angry at it? This is very common for people with a chronic condition. Our body becomes a “thing” for a time, and we want to almost rebel against it, because it’s done us so wrong! Some of us punish our bodies and continue to do the things that are completely contrary to getting well, because we’re so disgusted with years, and years, and years of the same old, same old…what does it matter after all? Of course that totally faulty thinking, as every fibromyalgia or autoimmune patient knows.Many patients are compliant from day 1, and I envy their patience!  [click to continue…]

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